Calling: Executive Directors - is communal support needed?

I was an Executive Director (ED) twice now. They were radically different experiences. How I lead during my second stint was a far departure from the first time at bat, as it were. What I learned the first time, I was able to use the next time (and final time - That ED Life ain’t for me). In both cases, though, I felt incredibly isolated. No one told me how lonely it is to be an ED. Yes, we have a Board of Directors and sometimes, they are composed of some amazing, smart, compassionate individuals who want you to succeed and to feel sustained in the role. Even if you’re lucky enough to have worked with a Board like that (or have one now if you’re still an ED), chances are you held back from sharing everything you were grappling with. I know I sure did. They are basically your boss, right? I mean, not really but they hold the power to terminate you. So being forthcoming about insecurities, anxieties, stress, confusion, lack of support are pieces that I, myself, was reluctant to share completely.

Well that, and the fact that as a queer, GenX, Latinx woman - I was socialized to just suck it up and deal. I told myself time and time again that I was OK, I could handle it, just push through and remember it’s not about me. I told myself that one too many times to count. That selfless commitment to others - staff, community, donors, the Board, community partners nearly killed me. But like - for real.

Having learned from my mistakes the first go-round, I knew that I needed support. I hired an Executive Coach (who quite literally saved my life) and co-created a group for Philly EDs to be in community around creating anti-racist/oppressive non-profit organizations. We worked with two brilliant facilitators who divided the group into two cohorts: one for Black EDs and the other for white/non-Black people of color. It was a powerful space and some learning and healing happened in our cohort. The Black cohort had a different experience (for so many reasons that I cannot share ‘cause it’s not my story to tell and I would not dare try to paraphrase someone else’s experience). I also began therapy with a truly gifted, wise human who brings me back to myself time and time again.

And still - it was not enough.

I was burned out (a phrase that’s problematic a.f. I just posted about it on my Insta). I was already overly exhausted and then the Board fired me. There’s not much time for rest when I have to hustle to make an income. There is, however, some comfort in knowing that I am not alone. I have talked with folks across the nation who share that so many non-profits are enduring radical shifts, with good EDs being thrown out left and right. Others are just leaving - realizing That ED Life ain’t for them, either. Folks have described it as a mass exodus within the non-profit industrial complex. I have connected with folks who share pieces of their struggles - everything from sleepless nights to wishing to get run over by a bus. I’m not kidding.

None of this is OK. The EDs are not alright. Black and Brown EDs , and others with marginalized identities are faring much worse.

I believe that we as EDs know best how to support one another. And I am sending out this CALL to any former (or current) ED who wants to be in an intentional community. I have learned that just because I think something is a great idea doesn’t mean it actually IS.

So let’s test it out, shall we? If you feel like a virtual space like this is needed, that YOU need a space like this to process your feelings, wounds, grief, OR in an ideal world even connect to talk about your dreams and path if you’ve been liberated from That ED Life! Reach out to me via email. Also, please feel free to share this widely with folks you know who might benefit from connecting.