oh yeah- rest. duh.

it’s a beautiful day. sun in shining. birds are chirping along to the tune from a nearby ice cream truck. a gentle breeze is grazing my arm. new neighbors across the street are fixing up the house they just bought.

and all i wanna do is lay on this couch.

but i’m grappling with the “shoulds.” you know- i “should” be outside enjoying this gorgeous weather. i “should” finish painting our bathroom that i started earlier this week. i “should” get down to one of the many street fests happening in our amazing city. i “should” hustle and pour more into this business i am creating. i “should” feel rested after yesterday’s restorative practice to honor the lunar eclipse in scorpio.

that guilt runs deep. the lies we tell ourselves about the importance of being productive, of doing. feeling guilty because what do i even have to be tired from? and then comes the meta guilt- feeling like a hypocrite for neglecting to heed my own advice around honoring our body’s needs to rest. i am a card-carrying member of the nap ministry for fuck sake.

but healing is non-linear. it’s ok to rest today. more than ok- it’s critical. we rest because we must. rest isn’t a reward for hard-work. i don’t have to justify why i need rest or try to get to the root of why i might just wanna nap all damn day long.

it is what it is. i need rest. that’s the whole story.

and you know what? i deserve it, too. hell- we ALL do. no one i know is currently well-rested. we are exhausted, overwhelmed, struggling. i have endured and continue healing from severe trauma, grief, and more betrayal from folks claiming to love me than i have ever encountered in all my 48 years.

and yes, yesterday i sure as shit WAS dancin’ around to cozy and de plata. i was full of energy and an aliveness that brought me back to myself. i even hung out with mr. hitachi magic wand for a hot sec.

and today is different. today- my body is telling me to lay flat. do less. relax. it’s this dang brain that’s telling me to write. the struggle is real y’all.

and that’s ok, too. this is what living feels like. this is what it means to be a work in progress. trying and learning and carving out new patterns is what it’s about. practicing self-compassion is just that- a practice.

and a wise human i recently had the pleasure of connecting with reminded me that rest can look all kindsa ways. sometimes rest is restorative and fills our cups. sometimes rest is a pillow and a puppy.

i am complete.